M.E anniversary

Recently I've been feeling a little bit sad; which happens sometimes given all that life throws at me! However I've noticed I just haven't been feeling right and couldn't put my finger on it... until it dawned on me that it was March back in 2003 when I was diagnosed with M.E and I always seem to get sad each year at this time. 2003 is a long time ago and you would think I'd be used to it after so long but it appears not! 14 years is a long time to have been poorly. To have had "normal" life taken away from you.  To suffer each time you do anything remotely normal and to not remember how it feels to feel well. To not remember what it's like to wake up and feel refreshed.. oh that would be amazing! To actually be able to fall asleep in the first place (oh insomnia you are evil).  To feel trapped. To want to scream so loud (but not having the energy. Oh the irony!). The list goes on...

Today was a rough one.  After a rubbish night's sleep yet again, I woke up in a horrible mood and just felt really sad.  M.E is bad enough even without throwing insomnia into the mix and I never had problems sleeping until I became ill.  I was angry at my illness, frustrated at knowing it was another bad day before it had even begun (it's a bad one when I can tell before I've even got up!), upset at all the years I've been ill, wound up at everything all at once and the tears just flowed.

Sometimes it's good to have a cry no matter how draining it is.  I don't seem to cry too often these days which I'm surprised at really, but today I couldn't stop it.  My little girl then suddenly appeared and I tried to hide it but she knew.  She climbed up on to the bed and cuddled me.  Of course that just made me cry even more!  She asked why I was crying and I said I wasn't feeling too good and that it makes me sad sometimes. She gave me a pep talk!  She told me that I'm poorly and that it's ok and I needed to rest today. She said she's lucky I'm her mummy (more tears).  She wiped my tears and had me laughing within minutes. How crazy is that... that my almost 8 year old is often the one who changes my whole perspective on things. She really is amazing that girl.

The tears tricked me and had obviously decided they hadn't quite had enough and they came again later on. I luckily had the house to myself as I felt like I wanted to be on my own. Then my mum said she was on her way round and I realised how much I needed a mummy cuddle!  I burst into tears on her and she was just there when I needed her. We chatted and I felt so much better for talking to her. Plus she bought me daffodils and a This Works deep sleep stress less rollerball thing. It's not just my little girl who thinks she's lucky with her mummy :-)

I think I definitely needed to get it all out of my system.  I felt much better for it and spent the rest of the day chilling out. Listening to relaxation stuff, watching back to back episodes of the show I'm currently obsessed with and just feeling nice and calm.  As you know if you know me, I try to be positive a lot and I'll carry on being but it's ok to be sad. It's cathartic to cry.  A friend of mine said to me today "You spend so much time caring for and kindness for others despite being ill, I know you often forget you".  It made me stop and think and perhaps I don't spend enough time on looking after me.  Self care is important and I'm going to make sure I do it more.

I won't focus on the negative anymore as I feel I've dealt with it now.  I will be back to focusing on the happy stuff and the things I have to look forward to this year (did I mention I'm going to Disneyland Paris?!!!!!). Little Miss is 8 in a few weeks so I'll be spending some time thinking about how lucky I am to have her.  Because I really really am.

Ali xx

Stockeld Park - where magic is made and adventures begin!

The chances are if you live in Yorkshire, you have been to Stockeld Park* or at the very least heard of it! It's a magical seasonal attraction nestled amongst stunning woodland and is the perfect place for a family day out.  Despite only living about 20 minutes away, we have not actually been since October 2015. I blogged back then about our visit HERE it you fancy a read.  We were definitely due a trip there and Stockeld very kindly gave us some tickets, so off we went!

We had also seen that they were doing a Mad Science week and were having a visit from Sublime Science, who were once winners on BBC's Dragon Den.  They were going to be doing educational and fun activities which sounded great.  When we arrived, my girlie and her friend spotted a 'mad scientist' who told us what time it was on and where it was being held.  The girls were really excited!  

We had enough time to let them do some ice skating (or attempt to!) before the science stuff began so they donned their skates and went to the rink.  I sat it out this time and enjoyed watching instead!

My daughter fell almost straight away and I could tell she wasn't as amused as I was!! One of the ladies working there luckily appeared and was on hand to show her the ropes.

They lasted about 10 minutes and then we had a quick snack before heading over for some Mad Science.  The girls were the first ones there but it filled up quickly and the room was soon full.

They did various experiments and I was impressed,  never mind the girls!  It lasted an hour and it really was very good.  They left with a pot of slime that they had made and a certificate, full of smiles and pride!

We decided to go around the Enchanted Forest next.  When they say enchanted, they really do mean enchanted.  It's fantastic and full of magical, mystical creatures.  In the Winter over Halloween and Christmas, it is all lit up and looks amazing.  We must try and get there this year as I imagine it must be breathtaking.  I should also say that I took my mobility scooter which managed pretty much fine on the ground.

There are four large play areas spread out through the forest, so plenty of places for children to run off steam!  Climbing frames, slides, sandpits and zip wires galore. They loved it.

My personal favourite is the mermaid! In fact the girls had run slightly ahead and ran back to tell me I just HAD to see what they had seen.  I love mermaids and there was proof right there that they are real!!

There are various interactive things along the way and even a talking tree. It feels like being in a chapter of an Enid Blyton book.. just really special.

The girls had also made a game up and were pretending that I was a witch (yeah yeah, I know!) who had stolen crystals from them so their mission was to find them.  Each play area they went to they went to 'look for the crystals' and they apparently found them dotted around the forest. I just love childrens' imaginations!

Once we came out of the forest they were asking if we could go in the Maze.  I am not a huge fan of mazes (truth is I'm a big baby and I get scared!), however someone had told us a trick how to cheat a maze which we decided to follow, so in we went.

There are over two miles of paths in the eight foot high Tree Maze (gulp) and there are various surprises in it.  Guess what though.. the trick worked!! We made it out in about ten minutes.  I've never been so happy to see the end of a hedge.  I won't share how to cheat a maze as it will spoil it for those of you who do in fact enjoy being lost in them!!

Other than all the outdoor activities, they have a café and an indoor play area.  It was nice to sit and chill for a bit with a drink and a snack while the girls bounced on the inflatable jumping pillow.  The forecast had been slightly optimistic and it was a bit colder than anticipated!

We had a quick look in the gift shop and the girls each chose a little something. My daughter chose a pink squishy poo emoji thing which she was delighted with. The whole conversation they had in the car on the journey home was about pink poo. Lovely! 

They said they had had 'the best day' and we had all really enjoyed it.  My friend sent me a message later that evening saying how happy her little girl was and that she had been telling her all about it at bedtime. So sweet! My daughter wrote a page in her diary about it and kept her wristband to stick in it too.  Priceless :-)

I can't recommend Stockeld Park enough for a family day out. Ticket prices vary so it's best to check online and there is lots of information on their website about what's going on there too.  Thank you Stockeld for a fab day out!

Ali 

xx

Random Acts of Kindness day!

If you follow my blog you will already know how much I love random acts of kindness! I've posted before about doing them and how much of a difference they can make to someone.  One kind word really can change a person's entire day. What is it they (whoever they are!) say, that an act of kindness no matter how small is never wasted.  It's so true.

Today is National Random Acts of Kindness (RAOK) Day and the purpose of it is to urge people to be kind to each other, especially those they don't know, without any specific reason. I actually think that it should be every day as kindness costs nothing and it's so easy to do, but I do love how there is a day especially for it!

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An act of Kindness can boost happiness,  release feel good chemicals,  decrease stress and generally give an all round fuzzy feeling to those involved.

There are so many ways you can do a RAOK but a couple of examples are to pay someone a compliment.. don't just think it, say it, leave a happy note somewhere unexpected (I've done this with library books before), send a surprise card or gift, smile at a stranger, bake someone a cake or buy an extra coffee for someone when you're buying one for yourself.  I remember when my daughter was about 3 and we were on holiday. We were in a shop and I was going to buy her a Spanish dress but was 1 Euro short, so I told the shopkeeper I'd be back when I'd got the rest of the money from the hotel.  A lady in the shop overheard and insisted on paying the extra for me. She wouldn't take no for an answer and it was such a lovely thing for her to do.

I decided I wanted to send someone a surprise parcel today so I have a post on my Facebook blog page and I have asked people to tell me something kind that someone has done for them.  If you would like to join in, my daughter will be picking a number tonight before she goes to bed and all you need to do is leave a comment under my post here HERE.

Someone who really inspires kindness is Emily Coxhead who runs  The Happy Newspaper and her posts always make me smile! You can follow her on Instagram HERE. She's such a ray of sunshine!

Let me know if you have done, or been on the receiving end of, any RAOKs today :-)

Ali 
xx

"Mummy I want to tell you something".

A few weeks ago my little girl said she wanted to tell me something but didn't want to upset me.  She knows she can tell me anything so I reminded her of that and she said it. It broke my heart when she did but I'm still glad she did. She said that it makes her a bit sad that I can't do stuff with her like other people do with their mummies because of my illness.  I had to fight the tears and turn it into something positive by saying we should sit down and write a list of stuff we CAN do.

Seeing the smile on her face while we were coming up with ideas was priceless. We both agreed that we wanted to try and do more things together, just the two of us.  We do a lot in the house already and we are masters of craft but there are lots of other stuff we want to do (when I'm up to it). We want make going out together a regular thing rather than every now and then. Proper girlie time.

She had been asking for ages if we could go pottery painting again after we went last year so I rang the place to see if they had a space and off we went!  She was happy. I was happy! It's really relaxing too.

We had a lovely time and despite me feeling exhausted afterwards, it was so worth it. I made her a plate and she painted a fox. She has such attention to detail and the lady working there was very impressed with how well she did the eyelashes!

Other things on our list include going out for hot chocolate/lunch /cake/dinner together, going for our nails painting, finding some new craft places, going to the library and chilling with some books, having a pamper session at home with relaxing music and lights (thanks sis for my colour changing oil diffuser!), baking (she's good at the stuff which requires using energy!!).  I bought her a piping bag and some edible glitter today as after watching Bake Off, she really wants to learn how to pipe!

One of her ideas was going shopping in town and she said I could buy her something and then she would get me something with her pocket money. That girl :-) She even said she's happy to go for a walk round the block with me while I'm on the scooter!! Little things are absolutely the big things.

With how I am, it's difficult to plan and even if we arrange something, I may not be up to it on the day which is rubbish but it's just how things are for me. However we will make up for it when I do feel able. With extra cake!

We have been snuggling up together quite a bit watching 'the secret life of a 4/5/6 year old' as she loves those programmes and I want us to have lots of Disney marathons in preparation for when we go to Disneyland Paris later this year. Eeeeek. We are both very excited to meet Minnie!!!

Being a mummy (with M.E) is difficult. It's also amazing and I wouldn't change my girlie for anything. She's my absolute sunshine.

If you have any other ideas of (low energy) things we could do, please feel free to leave me a comment!


Ali 
xx