12/03/2014

Everything changes



The first few days after having a baby, for me, all went by in a bit of a blur.  I was an emotional wreck (don't you just love hormones).  One minute I was delirously happy then the next crying my eyes out! But I was totally & utterly in love with my baby. Staring at her seemed to be all I did. Apart from changing nappies, feeding her etc etc!

However I was exhausted. A different type of exhaustion to the fatigue I get with the ME.  Broken sleep is a killer at the best of times & since suffering with the ME I had always had problems sleeping. But this was a non stop, never ending, feeling of permanent bleugh!

As I've already mentioned, bottle feeding was what we decided to do.  We took it in turns to do the night feeds, alternate ones, every 3 or so hours, depending on when she woke up.  At least we were getting a few hours sleep in at a time.  But I then started being unable to get back to sleep after doing the feeds.  Which was a problem!  Plus the fact she was so sleepy halfway through a feed which meant getting milk down her was sometimes really difficult.  And she was a nightmare getting any wind up.  It sometimes took as long to wind her as it had to feed her!

Obviously everyone wanted to come & meet the baby.  I couldn't cope with people coming all the time as wanted to make sure I rested/slept in between feeds or visits whenever possible.  So we did a timetable type thing for visitors.  When people asked when they could come we limited it to one in a morning, one in an afternoon & one in an evening.  Which actually worked really well & other friends who don't suffer from ME have been known to do the same!

I used to love snuggling on the sofa with her lying on me. People always say that the newborn stage doesn't last long & to cherish it & it's so true.  She used to pull the funniest expressions even from being tiny. And was very alert from the start.

My mobility is very bad & I have to use a wheelchair for anything other than a very small amount of walking.  What I did find very difficult (& still do now nearly 5 years on) was not being able to take her for walks.  I walked her round the corner once in her pram & it was about the only time I had done it.  I used to watch people walking up the street pushing their babies in prams or buggies & feel an enormous sense of envy.  Anger even.  And more than anything, upset.  I wanted to do that more than anything.  But couldn't.




My life as a mummy with ME was already proving challenging...



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