I'm the person who used to be so independent, who thought nothing of coming home from a full day's work and going in the gym for another few hours. The person who used to go shopping on a weekend and spend several hours just wandering round the shops. The person who went out to the pub, to the cinema, to anywhere that involved doing "normal things" without giving it a second thought. I was enjoying life.
It couldn't be any further from my life now. Fourteen years later I am still often in disbelief about it and would change it in a heartbeat if I could.
I have talked lots before about what it is like having M.E (myalgic encephalomyelitis) but in a nutshell it's like having THE worse hangover along with flu and your head having been kicked in. All at the same time. That's what it's like for me anyway.
If you think of a full battery - that's healthy people. Think of an almost empty one and that's me. Every little thing I do eats into my battery and leaves my already low energy levels almost non existent. Resting happens a lot, yet it doesn't really top my energy supplies up so I'm pretty much running on empty. Drained all the time and feeling horrible. I've not even mentioned the pain and all the other fun (not) symptoms like memory and concentration problems, muscle weakness, sleep problems, post exertional malaise (PEM) after anything we do. The list goes on and I really wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Do you know what though? I'm not amazing or inspirational or any of the things people tell me I am. I am just me. Me who was dealt a shitty card and had to deal with it. I have to grin and bear it. I don't have a choice. I can't even begin to explain how horrendous living with this illness is yet I have to keep going and be as good a mum as I can to my daughter, who gives me purpose and keeps me smiling.
It's M.E Awareness day today so I felt I should do a post and talk a bit about it. The reason I started my blog was because I often had people ask me what it was like being a mummy with M.E and I was surprised how cathartic I found it when I wrote. I receive messages from people telling me they have learnt a lot from my posts and that I've helped them understand more which means a lot as raising awareness has always been important to me.
I often look "well" when I am out and then I always wonder what people would think if they saw me in the following days when I'm suffering. When I'm hidden away in bed unable to move. I've had friends cry on me before when they've seen me so poorly but it's made them more aware, so silver linings and all that!
I think that's enough from me but if you've read this then thank you and I am always happy to answer questions so feel free to leave a comment or contact me via my email.
Thinking of everyone affected by this evil illness and hugs to everyone who supports me as it really does mean so much.
M.E Awareness ribbons made by me!
Ali
xx
