Wheelchairs

When I was first struck down with the M.E & pushed myself to keep working, I ended up pretty much housebound for a year. Once I started feeling able to get out again I soon realised that my legs were no longer my friends.  They didn't work like they should be doing & when I tried to walk even the smallest of distances I would end up feeling like I would collapse with a combination of pain & fatigue.

If I went out it not only wiped me out but I suffered badly with pain for several days afterwards.   So I was stuck in a bit of limbo knowing what to do.  I began thinking (but kept it to myself) about maybe needing a wheelchair.  Who wants to have to use a wheelchair & accept they cannot walk much anymore? I eventually plucked up the courage to say it out loud & I can't say it was very well received at first by the other half. But I suppose it's such a big thing to accept & not easy for others either.

I can't remember exactly the first time I used one, it may have been when we went away & I borrowed one. It was the only way I could get around but I felt so self conscious. However I would still probably be stuck in the house now had I not done it! The alternative to using a wheelchair was to not go out!  And when you have been stuck in the house for a long time, it sends you a bit crazy & cabin fever kicks in.  So to be able to get out, even if briefly, it makes a big difference to how you feel mentally.

I ended up using wheelchairs or mobility scooters (as I've mentioned previously!) when I went out shopping, as you can hire them at shopping centres etc.  Then after a while I went to see my doctor about it & got referred for one.  So not long after, I had my own brand-spanking-new red wheelchair to give me a new lease of life!

I felt very awkward when I first used it & I pretty much had to have a driver (!) with me too as my arms were no longer my friends either.  I clearly remember the first time I went on holiday with it & was at the airport.  People kept gawping at me.  Yes I know people look when things are a bit different. Human nature I guess. I was still adjusting to having to use it & I remember a girl, who can't have been much older than about 12, staring & staring & staring at me. Instead of ignoring it I could feel myself getting more & more wound up & I just snapped. I practically shouted at her & asked what she was staring at! The poor girl!!

People also treat you differently when you are in a wheelchair.  You get the pity looks. A lot. You get people who rudely walk straight in front of you & pretend they haven't seen you. When they clearly have but are just rude. Or ignorant. Or both. You get people who don't even acknowledge you & who talk to whoever is with you rather than actually making eye contact with you. Erm yes I do have a brain. And ears. And a mouth.  Oh and an actual personality of my own!

I accepted a long time ago that I need to use a chair but think I have only fairly recently really felt that there is no need to feel ashamed or embarrassed about it. Or when I see someone I know & I am in it, there is no need to try to hide! If people have an issue with it then it is their problem not mine.

I recently went for a reassessment for a new wheelchair & was told my other one, which I have had for 8 years, was far too big for me & I looked lost in it.  Perhaps another reason I felt self conscious, as it was so damn bulky!  The good news was that I would be getting a new one.
One that actually fits properly & that is a lot lighter. And that has back support in.  My daughter will no longer be able to sit on it with me as there is no room, but she is 5 now so really shouldn't be anyway!! I asked if I could add glitter to it & was met with a very resounding "no". So I had to pretend I had been joking.. which anyone who knows me will know I wasn't!

I had it delivered a few days ago & to my absolute delight the lovely man told me that I can in fact decorate it any way I want, providing I don't intefere with the mechanics.  So as we speak I have new zebra print wheel trims & I am waiting for some sparkle to arrive for it. Mad? Maybe. But I am proud of my wheels & can't wait to show them off.

Watch this space, perhaps I will end up on Google under 'blinged up wheelchairs'. And oh that would make me so proud ;-)

xx